It’s Not About The Trophy: The Real Secret to Elite Coaching with Russ Romano

"Winning isn't everything; it’s the byproduct of everything."

Have you ever wondered why some teams just click while others—even with all the talent in the world—seem to fall apart when the pressure is on? Today, I’m sitting down with my friend Russ Romano, and he is about to change the way you think about leadership.

Russ is a former D1 pitcher and the founder of D1 Mindset Coach. He spends his days in the trenches with elite athletes and high-level organizations, teaching them the 10 Pillars of Mental Peak Performance. But here’s the thing: Russ believes that if you’re only focused on the trophy, you’ve already lost the game.

In this episode, we’re stripping back the jersey and talking about:

• The "North Star" Philosophy: How to define your core principles so you never lose your way.
• Process over Outcome: Why the "Well, Better, How" practice is the ultimate game-changer for growth.
• We Over Me: The secret to building a culture that values the person over the stats.
• Positive Communication: Shifting from “what not to do” to “this is what to do” 
• Emotional Safety: Why accountability doesn't have to mean fear, and how to protect your team’s mental health.

Whether you are a coach, a parent of a young athlete, or just someone trying to lead your own "team" at home or work, Russ’s insights on gratitude and character-driven leadership are exactly what we need more of right now.

Grab your coffee, lean in, and let’s find out what the "Secret Sauce" is really all about.

Check out D1 Mindset Coach, Russ Romano:

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We mention student athletes and mental health. Here are Crisis and Support Resources 

• Lenape Valley Mobile Crisis: 1-877-435-7709 
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 
• Safe2Say Something (anonymous): 1-844-723-2729 or safe2saypa.org 
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 
• Teen Central: www.teencentral.com  
• In an emergency, call 911 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Keep Em Healthy with Jamie, your go-to classroom for integrative kids' health and wellness. I'm Jamie, a biology professor, an integrative health coach, and most importantly, a mom who's been through it all. When the conventional medical system couldn't provide the answers my own child needed, I took my background in anatomy, physiology, and nutrition and went looking for a better way. Join me as I chat with experts and physicians to help you decode your child's biology and psychology from childhood through young adulthood. If you're ready to stop guessing and start understanding, you're in the right place. Let's keep them healthy together. All right, guys, I am so excited for today's episode. We are diving into something I I personally think about all the time and not even just in sports, but it's how we show up as leaders. So we're being told that winning is everything. So if you don't have that medal or trophy, you didn't do the work. Well, my guest today is basically here. He's gonna flip that script. We are sitting down with Russ Romano. He's the founder of the D1 Mindset Coach. He was a D1 pitcher back in the day, and he is a pro at this mental game. So he works with athletes and uh teams using 10 pillars of mental peak performance. And the philosophy is not about the trophy. So today we're gonna be talking about that secret sauce of what makes a great coach, how to build a culture that doesn't crumble under pressure. And I actually am curious, and I didn't tell Russ I was gonna ask this question. Yeah, but I'm curious about if gender makes a difference to how the coach approaches a team. So we're gonna um close this gap, then Russ is gonna help us of where we are and then where we could be. And um the energy that Russ brings is a little bit of this energy that we all need right now. So let's get into it with Russ Romano. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Oh my gosh, thank you, Jamie. I I tell everybody you gotta bring the juice, right? So whether you're in a meeting right now, whether you're about to, you know, coach a coach your athletes, bring the juice.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

I love it. Russ, before we get into the like the heavy-hitting stuff, I let's just take you back. I want you to think about one crook coach uh when you were growing up that changed something for you. And if they were standing here right now, what's that one non-sport lesson they taught you that you would use every single day?

SPEAKER_01 2:26

I think of my high school baseball coach. And I well, gosh, think of my dad.

unknown 2:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

But um, my dad was was my coach, and unfortunately, he passed away at a young age, he was 47. It's my age now, but he coached me up until our around 30 old. And um, you know, one thing that, and he was a great tactician of the game of baseball, he really understood uh the sport. But one thing I remember, you know, we had we had a boy on our our travel team who was not very good talent-wise. And I'll never forget my father, how he treated that athlete, how he made him feel included in everything that we did as a team. And mainly, you know, he kept the scorebook. Like back then, you know, this is 30 plus years ago, um, we didn't have to necessarily play every single player, like some of the you know, strategies and concepts of today. You know, if if you weren't in the starting lineup, like you could sit the whole game, it wasn't that kind of situation. So he did really make an effort to get him in in certain situations. He couldn't hit a baseball very well, but he could bunt. So when my dad needed to lay down, have somebody lay down a bunt, he would bring this boy in and then he would lay it down. And he got to experience that success and that feeling of being a part of a team. And that's probably the biggest thing I remember. Of all the years my dad coached me, I remember how he treated everyone, including arguably the worst physically gifted player on the team. As far as my high school baseball coach, uh, he was uh he was a hard-nosed, gritty guy, and he's still coaching my high school. He pitched for Seton Hall, he was a replacement player for the New York Yankees, and I just remember his presence. You know, we talk about body language, we talk about the things you can control as an athlete, even when there's negative events happening around you and the game is speeding up. You have control over what you focus on, what you tell yourself, and you know, the internal voice that you have in your inside and how you how you present yourself from a body language perspective. We say 10 feet tall and bulletproof, right? Even if you are nervous, even if you are worried about making an error or getting out, like when you act as if, right, if you act as somebody who's confident, eventually you start to become confident, right? That's just part of it. So what I got from him was big body language all the time and just holding yourself with a certain presence. And I think that breeds confidence.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Absolutely. I appreciate the first story with your dad and how he saw the potential in every player, regardless if they're the MVP or quote unquote, you know, maybe not having the most athletic ability. And to make a team, including every single child sitting on the bench. That's a huge, that's a huge deal. And that's like that seeing, you know, beyond just creating a great team of two great players that are going to carry the team throughout the whole season. That's not a team, right? So I love that. And then just your presence, the the fake it till you make it type thing, even if you're feeling super nervous, you roll your shoulders down and back, you put your chest forward, you put your chin up, you're like, let's go. And there is that brain-body connection. So even if your brain is freaking out, if your body's telling it, no, I'm confident, you can work some of that through it and then show up until you feel confident. So I really appreciate that. So in your um, I ask the guests coming on my show to give a title to your uh podcast. And so you're talking about this secret sauce. So I want you to explain, you know, kind of beyond the X's and O's of a coach who has a secret sauce that goes from trying to win trophies to creating good men and women of character. So, what is that about for you?

SPEAKER_01 6:18

It's everything. We celebrate typically, you know, you kind of reverse engineer what goes into a successful team. It starts with leadership, right? And and leadership then sets the standard, right? The type of behaviors that are expected of everyone on the team. And those are defined, recognized, and reinforced, not just at the beginning of the season, not just at the end of the season, every single practice, every single guy's, every single time you have a touch point with your team, you should be reinforcing some core behaviors. I call them above-the-line behaviors, those above-tine behaviors, but when you break it down, like successful teams, they typically don't have coaches who are not in align with their team's core principles. They they're there's a pattern here, right? Success leaves clues, and it typically starts with the leader, and that's the coach. And I think the best coaches understand their servant leaders, right? You are serving your athletes and you're serving their parents, right? And and and providing a really safe environment so you can take these lessons, these valuable life lessons that you don't always learn in school. These valuable life lessons you can not only take onto the field or the court, but you can take into your life. So I I think, James, I use a I use a phrase our athletes desperately need models to see more than mottos to read. It's never been more true than today, because they see a lot of things. They see so much more than what I saw when I was 12, 13, 14, 15. Right? They see a lot. So we need to set the standard and uh lead by example, right? And put character before trophies.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Can I ask you said something about the things that you focus on every practice have to be that the above-the-line, like character traits? What are those things for you? Like a couple of them.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah, um, so there's things you can control and there's things you can't control. But we have to focus as coaches, as leaders, we have to focus on the things that we can control for ourselves and we our athletes can control. There's no greater examples of that than effort, attitude, and what you put into your growth and getting a little bit better every day. So the above-the-line behaviors, you know, the teams that I work with and the teams that I've coached, we define what our core principles are, right? We define what the behaviors that we want to live in alignment with as a unit, but it's not just the words, it's it's going one step further and defining that into what does that mean in terms of behavior. So, you know, you've probably had kids who are part of a team that maybe had some core principles. It could have been uh discipline, it could have been we over me. These are all great above-the-line concepts. And I think what I see that tends to be missing in this step of kind of defining your standards as a team is giving your athletes real life examples of what they mean, right? Going one layer below that and saying, okay, well, what does it mean to be disciplined? Right? Discipline is doing something even when you don't feel like doing it. And doing the hard things even though you don't feel like doing it. There's an equation that I use all the time: C greater than F equals R. When your commitment is greater than your feelings, that's going to produce results long term. So as a team, I'm defining what our core principles are. And I'm having a conversation with our athletes about those core principles. And I'm also having the athletes, you can have them help you in defining their core principles, right? Ask them, hey, what are what are three kind of principles or words that you want to live in alignment with, and then combine them and maybe break them down into the top five and adopt those as your team core principles, and then define what those core principles actually mean. So we over me is is a core principles of one of the team that I coach. Well, what does that mean? We over me. Well, you know, if if one of the boys or girls strikes out, is it a we over me mindset or we over me culture? If that person goes back to the dugout, throws their helmet, and sits in the corner and sulks, that's me over we, right? So allowing them to understand, hey, we over me is after your strikeout, all right, let it sink in for a second, and then you're cheering on your next teammates. You're focused on your team. So that's we over me. So I think just defining those core principles and establishing them is so critically important. And we call it the MVP process, right? Mission, vision, and principles. And the teams that we work with will take them through that MVP process. So they have a North Star, right? The leader or the coach has a North Star in how to operate and how to conduct themselves. And it's not all reactionary.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Yeah. So can you give any um tips? So let's just say you're a coach and you know the teammates are all talking about how they want to win the championship. And so, what is something that you could help change language-wise to get them focused on the goal of team building or, you know, that mental building versus focusing on that metal?

SPEAKER_01 11:55

There's a pillar in our mental peer performance system, and the pillar is process over outcome. And I think we live in a world where outcomes are constantly the focal point. But when you ask any elite-level athlete, elite-level coach, you're gonna hear them talking about something called the process. What is the process? The process is all of the little things you do throughout the day, throughout practice, throughout your preparation, right, to eventually create the results that you want. So, you know, I give this example to Jules, my daughter, you know, when we're talking about focusing on the process versus the end destination. It's like imagine you got into a car and you said, okay, I'm driving to Florida and you had a map in front of you, and all you were looking at at that map is the state of Florida while you were driving, would make zero sense. And you probably won't find that destination. What we need to focus on is the 200 feet right in front of us on a consistent basis. And if you focus on those 200 feet right in front of you, eventually you'll get to your destination. So focusing on the process, focusing on the behaviors that are gonna, you know, that align with winning championship teams, that will eventually get you to where you want to go. You know, in that mission, vision, principles outline that we take teams through, the vision is that goal, that end goal. I think it's important to have those outcome goals, but they can't be your focal point, right? You establish them, you revisit them, but then you need to focus on what do we need to do every single practice, every single day to get us one step closer to our vision? And I think that's gonna align perfectly with your core principles.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Absolutely. And it's pulling them back into me and like, I love that you have a goal, but let's focus on today and be present in the moment. And what is this next drill, next skill, next, you know, attitude situation that we need to work on? And we'll get there eventually, like one step at a time. I do, I think that's a great conversation to have with them for sure. I wanted to talk to you a little bit about accountability with being a coach and asking, having your kids be accountable for their teammates, for how they behave. What is your take on accountability without creating like a fear-based culture?

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Yeah, um, well, there's a few there's a few things that I've done as a coach and then I train the coaches that I work with to use within their program. One, you have to set that standard, and then you have to create some type of an action plan, right, for your athletes. Now, if you're working with young, young youth athletes, this could be something really simple. It could be one thing that you want them to do a few times a week or every day. But keep it simple the younger they are. But you know, setting that standard and then getting everyone on board, like these are the things that we need to do individually outside of practice to get to where we want to go. I call it the daily success checklist. Um, and you help them identify the things that they need to work on individually on a daily basis to get them a little bit better each day. And you could check in with them at the end of the week after a practice. How did you do on your daily success checklist? Have them track it, right? They can put a check mark on a piece of paper every day. They did their daily success checklist. We use an app called Habit Share, which is a free app that you can plug in your goals or your habits and you can connect with friends. They could be your fellow teammates, and uh, and you get notifications when other kids on your team are completing their daily success checklist. So that's something that we do with the team that I coach and a lot of the athletes that we work with. But that creates built-in accountability. I also communicate, I think a lot of coaches jump to telling an athlete what they're doing wrong and just giving direction, thinking, hey, I'm giving them guidance, whether it's negative, positive, what it may be. But we use a strategy called Well Better How. It's really simple. I use it with myself. I've used it with coaches when they're self-assessing kind of what they're doing really well, what's one thing they could be doing a little bit better, and how can they improve upon that to do it better for the next time? It's something we do with our teams to practice after a weekend of games. We'll go through our team well better happen. But it's something you can do as an individual, um athlete, right? Like after a game that night, before you go to bed, just do a little self-reflection. You know, what did I do really well today? Whether it's what did I do mentally well or performance-based, what did I do well, what can I do a little bit better and how for the next time? Because if you're not, if you're not self-assessing yourself, one as a coach, but two as an athlete, it's really difficult to improve in the areas that you need to improve upon.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

So self-reflection, I think, is is is huge. And well better how is a really great way for a coach to be able to communicate with their athlete without saying, you sucked last week. Like you can't, you can't do that anymore. Have the athlete come to you as a coach and say, Hey, tomorrow after practice, we're gonna go through a little well better how. I'd love for you to come with me, you know, and tell me what are some of the things you've been doing really well this season, what's some of the things you can improve upon, and how do you think you can improve upon those things. As a coach, now they're telling me, I'm giving them guidance, right? If they're way off in that assessment, I'll kind of guide them in the right direction. But it's a great tool to use without creating that confrontation or that, you know, negative connotation to feedback. You're giving them ownership of their improvement and you're helping guide them.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

And and like science and biology backs up the fact that when you come at a any person, whether they're a child or a human, and you come at them and create a threatening negative experience, they're going to shut down because they're going into like survival mode and they're not even thinking and absorbing what you're saying. They're just like frozen in time, basically, and not thinking the way that you're wanting them to think. So to start off being like, this is what you did really well, you know, you started off as like a nice situation and you focus on whatever it was, their attitude, their effort, whatever it was that they were doing well, and then this is what you can do better and how. And so you're giving them all the different, you're giving them a full spectrum of thought, but then you're also at the end saying, okay, so here's how here's how I'm holding you accountable. Maybe you need to look over the plays five minutes every day. I want you to like come back next week and let me know how that goes so that when you show up to practice, that you don't feel like you are confused and everyone else knows what's going on and you don't. Things like that. That is like what I'm what I'm thinking about, holding them accountable, but and also communicating and checking in and having that time and energy to say reflection is a big deal. And here's how I'm implementing it for myself, for the team, and for you, you know. Because coaching is it's a leadership role and you're it's a guidance. Um we're not meant to do everything for them, but it's it's having an end, an end goal for as a coach to be like, okay, how am I how am I going to move this dial for this team, for this child in the way that they're on their way for their athleticism or whatever it is? So what I wanted to ask you, gender-wise, like boys versus girls, and I don't know if this is your wheelhouse or not, but do you feel like there is a need for like a language shift or something? Basically going like boys maybe do well when you challenge them, when you're trying to focus on challenges versus girls, maybe are more connection-based. Is there anything? Is there any science or any studies on that that you can share about?

SPEAKER_01 19:49

I'm giving you studies. I'm not gonna quote studies I'm not sure about, but I will tell you I've worked with female athletic teams, I've I've talked to a lot of coaches that coach high performance athletes, women high performance athletes. And I'll tell you the standard is the standard. Okay, right? Like set set the standard, and you know, you got to create connection, whether boys or girls create connection, trust, right? As a coach, you have to take an interest in, you know, who are these people outside of the field, right? Like get to know your athlete more than just a player on your team. Um, it could be something as simple if you're working with young kids. What's their favorite ice cream? Like, you know, whatever it is, who's their favorite baseball or softball player or, you know, athlete? Why, their favorite teams, like get to know them and develop relationships with them because they're not gonna remember the X's and O's two years from now. Like they're gonna remember how you made them feel, and that's gonna give them the confidence to love the game that they're playing and want to play it next year and the year after. And it all falls to the coach. I've seen coaches break kids, talented kids that no longer play the game that they once loved. And I've also seen coaches elevate and bring an athlete to a whole new mindset and a whole new level. You know, Jamie, I always say, you know, good kids teach you how to win. Great coaches teach you how to fail, right? And there's a difference, right? How do you induct yourself? How do you talk to yourself? How do you rebound and create resilience and then after a negative event, a tough loss? Those are the great coaches. They're teaching those skill sets because we're all gonna lose. It won't be the last time they lose on a field, and it won't be the last time they lose in life. You they're gonna get knocked down. And where do we learn the resilience on how to respond after a loss? Is it in school? Maybe. Is it at home? Hopefully. Hopefully, our you know, as parents, I'm talking about losing and how to respond to failure more than the success. I'm talking to my kids about. And believe me, I'm not a perfect parent, far from it. But I'm talking to my kids about you got an A on that test or you hit that home run. Great. Did you study? Did you practice throughout the week? Like honestly, because there's gonna be times like I don't care about the end result. I do, I'm gonna celebrate it, but I'm focused on what did you do to get that result? Right? So maybe my kid's just naturally smart and he doesn't need to try hard. So he gets A's in certain classes. Well, what am I teaching him or her as a coach or as a parent if I only focus on the A that they happen to get? I want to know, hey, what did you do to study? That's awesome. Like, congratulations on that great test. Same thing in the field, right? Like, all right, great home run. So as a coach, I'm celebrating the effort and the hard work I see in practice and then outside of practice.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

I think I think there's something to be said about the coach. It's that when kids are in school, there's a lot of memorization and different things. Like you're saying, you can get an A and not even have to try. You just have to be sitting in the room and absorb the information. But I think there's something about an opportunity as a coach for sports. I mean, if you were to ask me when I was in high school, I did excellent academically. I can't remember anything. I just memorized it and then it threw it out the window because I didn't, it didn't matter to me. What I actually remember are my experiences when I was on the volleyball court, my experiences when I was on the bus ride going to my tennis games, like all those things and the way I had to be a captain at one season point. Like those are the real life experiences that you're actively involved in that sports give you. So coaches have this opportunity to give that reflection, to give that guidance, to say, hey, this is what's happening right now, and this isn't it's happening on the court, and you're gonna get through it and you're gonna live to see another day. And it's also gonna happen in life when you're in your getting your job interview or whatever it is that you're doing, and you're gonna have that victory or that loss, and you're going to have to respond to it. And it's it's teaching them, okay, well, how do we want to respond to this? And guess what? When you talk to each student or athlete or whoever it is, the way they respond is going to be different. And it's not always gonna look like the same way you respond. But the whole point as a coach is to give them space to respond and regide them if it is a negative response, be like, hey, why don't we like take a look at this and maybe start changing our language and giving ourselves some better positive language so that we can work through this in a different way? Or hey, like, did you ever think about what you've learned out of this that could be positive? Like, yeah, you did lose the championship, but look at what you've gained through X, Y, and Z. You know, that is our opportunity as a coach. And I think that's super important for coaches to put into stock that yes, we're there to help them become the best athletes and win and all those things, but really ultimately, it's this is the moment in their lives that they are living in experiences that will stay with them for forever. What's your take on that?

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Well, you're spot on. I mean, God bless all of our parents who volunteer as a coach. One, I think, you know, sometimes they get unfair treatment from parents, but two, you know, they're putting themselves out there as now they need to remember we all want to win, right? Like that's a goal. But what are you gonna do to get there? And that's create a safe environment, that's to build trust with your athletes, that's to set expectations and standards, to work them hard and teach them how to work hard and why it's important, um, but also hold them accountable. Jamie, I think they're I think we're in an era where there's been a pushback on coaching somebody hard. And I just want to clarify this a little bit. So I think the best coaches push you out of your comfort zone and coach you hard. There's a difference between coaching someone hard where you haven't developed any level of trust with your athletes and your parents versus coaching somebody hard where you have developed that relationship and you have developed that trust. And when you've developed that relationship and that trust and you understand how that athlete responds, then you coach them hard.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

So coaching hard, give me an example of like what would that look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Well, you know, some sometimes when you know you're looking, you're looking, you know, inside and you're watching a coach get in one of their athlete's face and talk to them sternly or even raise their voice and and yell, well, I don't know. Like, I'm not gonna jump the gun and say that's a terrible coach, right? Obviously, we don't want to be using profanities and you don't want to embarrass the heck out of somebody in front of their peers. But you know, coaching somebody hard is pushing them outside of their comfort zone to get the best out of them. But you can only do that when they have your trust, when they know their best interests are your priority. And I think too many coaches jump the gun and start doing some of these things and maybe raising their voices or calling somebody out when they don't have that level of trust. And there's no emotional safety there. And then it's like, well, now you're just embarrassing the kid, and now they may close up, right? So I think you can, you know, and Corey Close, who just won the, you know, for UCLA, who just won the uh, you know, women's national basketball championship, you know, she talks about this a lot. Like, you know, and John Wooden taught her that, you know, you could love and respect your athletes and you can coach them hard. It doesn't need to be one or the other. But I think um in that relationship is a prerequisite to for certain things, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:49

And I and you for me, like when I say coaching hard, it's I think it's holding them accountable to the expectation. So for example, something that uh when I'm coaching and I say the way that we talk to each other, um, when you are when you are set, quote unquote, coaching them on the court, for example. So if they're in a basketball court and so-and-so didn't um put their hands out and their butt down to play defense and the guy got around them, it's not yelling at your teammates saying, dude, you're not working hard enough. Like you gotta get back faster. It's saying like reminding them the positive things, like in saying, you know, we'll get them next time, but hands up and out, you know, things like that rather than talking down to them.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

You're spot on, Jamie. It's funny. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna play a little game with you right now. Whatever you do, Jamie, don't think, don't think of an elephant right now.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Right. Well, when you say don't think of it immediately, your brain is just like locked in.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah, I'm watching this big thing with tusks, right, in my head. So I think, and I've been guilty of it. Most coaches have been guilty of it. We when we're trying to course correct an athlete, we're telling them very often what not to do. We have to pause and give them the positive direction, right? Like, how annoying is it when you ask somebody for directions and they spend the first you know two minutes telling you everywhere you shouldn't go? And you're like, Can you just tell me like what road I'm supposed to travel right here? That's what we need to do as coaches. Like, don't stop telling them what not to do and start just phrasing it in a way, this is what we do when this happens, and show them that example. But I'm a big believer in, you know, you you have you have to correct in private, right? Praise in public, correct in private. These kids are sensitive, you know. I I don't know if they're more or less sensitive than when I was their age. I don't know. I mean, everybody my age says, oh, these, you know, these kids are more sensitive. We're probably just this, we're probably the same way. We just don't remember. The point is, I don't think anyone likes to be embarrassed. You know, when you when you think about what is the fear of making an error or missing a shot, the word comes to mind is embarrassment. People fear being embarrassed in front of others, right? We need to get past that fear, and and we have tools that we show our athletes to help do that. But if you as a coach is going to pour fuel on that embarrassment fire, then ask yourself, are you putting them in a better position to focus on the next play? Or are you are they going to regress because of the way you're speaking to them? So if your number one goal is to elevate, teach, and get them to play at their best potential, their highest potential, then you need as a coach to really reflect on how you're communicating with certain kids. And you need to communicate differently. You have the same standard, you always uphold your standards as a team, but you also have to meet them where they are, and everyone's a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Right. And I again it goes back to role modeling too. If you are embarrassing and shaming the child who took the three-point shot and took that risk and they didn't make it or took or swung at that ball that they never should have swung at, then the your athletes around you are thinking that that's how they're going to talk to each other or talk to themselves. I mean, that that's where it all also stems as well. And I think it's important to think about. I'm wondering the quote unquote old school coaches versus coaches now. Is there, do you think there's any like big differences of the old school coaches and what they do right or maybe what they do wrong that coaches now should do or shouldn't do? Like, is there anything that comes to mind when you think about what an old school coach is like?

SPEAKER_01 31:31

So if you're not an old school coach, what what's something you can take from that old school coach that was positive? Yeah, I think there is a level of discipline that they demand and accountability. And and you don't need to be yelling at anyone, you don't need to be abusive, you don't need to put your hands on anyone to hold people accountable. So, you know, if if 30 years ago we had coaches like that, like that's not okay. That's not okay 30 years ago, it's not okay now. But I think the overarching concept of they had standards and they had expectations, and I think that's a good thing. And we need to get back to that, right? It's not just, yeah, do whatever you can, you know, do whatever you want, like it's okay, everyone's gonna get a turn. It's no, you're you're reinforcing and highlighting and recognizing the above-the-line behaviors, and you gotta emphasize that to all of your athletes, right? What we recognize and what we feed grows. So we want to feed the behaviors and recognize the behaviors that we want our team to have as a culture, and that's what we need to hold our athletes accountable to.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Absolutely. And I think um that accountability in itself and having the athletes know that they are part of this team and they matter on this team, and we hold them accountable because each person on this team has a role, a job. And every time they show up on the field or the court, you know, their attitude, their energy, their effort, their skill level, that all matters to the team as a whole. It's not about the number one kid on the court or or field just carrying the team. Like this is everybody working together. And I think that in a world right now with there's a lot of like me, me, me, you know, we talked about the me versus we. I think being the holding capital of being like, listen, it's not even just about you having that three-point shot or getting that hit. It's about overall, if you perform, then your team's gonna do well and it's gonna create a good energy because everyone's happy that everyone's working together and doing well. It's about creating that wholeness, not just the individuality. And I think that that's something to lean in on right now, especially in this world of like there's a lot of isolation. But when you're on a team, this is where you learn how important you are in this format of a group. And I think that's really important for kids right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

It is. And you know, as a as a parent, I think a lot of parents out there have, you know, these aspirations of maybe seeing their kid play their sport in college. And it's a great aspiration for the athlete. It not shouldn't necessarily be an aspiration for the adult parent, right? Like you want to support what your athlete truly and really wants. But you know, when you in when you talk to top-tier college-level coaches, they'll tell you, you know, there's a lot of talent out there, right? They see it every single day. People sending them, you know, videos and emails, and they see the highlights in the social media accounts. Everybody is their own brand, and you're only gonna see the highlights, right? And when they go on recruiting trips, they're watching how you respond to negative events. They're watching what kind of teammate you are, and they are watching all of those things that are controllable, but I think are undervalued by a lot of athletes today. They have to be taught that these things are critical for you as a leader on the team, for you as a teammate, and for you to take your game to the next level. Because there'll come a time where, you know, talent is talent. Like, who are you as a teammate? You know, and and college coaches want to recruit guys and girls that are good teammates and people that are coachable and people who have that positive mindset and that growth-oriented mindset and hitting a home run and you know, doesn't tell the whole story. The stat lines don't tell the whole story. They want to see character.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

I have boys, both boys and girls, and I feel like the stats for both of them, everyone's worrying about the stats and the numbers and all these things. And I'm like, you know, if you are the child that or this the athlete that gets fouled and falls to the ground and is like, you know, throwing a fit, meanwhile, the game's still playing and then other things doesn't matter how many three points you make. That character of like, you just left your team for 30 seconds because you needed to let everyone know how distressed you were, versus being in the staying in the play, you know, things like that. And that really does matter. And I do think that just in general, right now, too. I mean, we mentioned this before the episode, we talked about failure and how to respond to failure and how things are gonna happen and how failure is gonna come, it's gonna go. And, you know, you respond to it and you learn how to do better and move forward. And you rest mentioned that you wanted to take time to talk about the recent and the Bucks County area about suicide and athletes or just the children that have been choosing that option. And so I would love for you to talk about that right now.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Yeah. Um, you know, I don't I don't pretend to know the intimate details of the situation. All I know is from the outside looking in as a father of a teenage girl and kind of seeing and hearing what's happened in the community with you know, some young people taking their lives and and making final decisions based on temporary issues that they may be dealing with is really concerning. And uh I feel terrible. My heart breaks for the families, my heart breaks for the community. And you know, I my message to my daughter, you know, I'll share my message to my daughter, is you know, the story that you tell yourself every single day is the most important story in the world. And uh think about it. If if you were watching something on TV that put you in a terrible mood and made you think terrible things, if you were watching that, wouldn't you change the channel? When you put something on that was more entertaining, that made you feel better. Um, and I think about that when I think about all the stories we tell ourselves. You broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, it feels like the end of the world, right? It feels like the end of the road. But a couple weeks later you realize, you know what, that was just a bend in the road. It wasn't the end of the road. And these events, whether it's a breakup, a failed exam, parents getting a divorce, whatever, whenever life knocks you down, right? And we're all gonna hear those knocks on the door. Some of them are gonna be real heavy knocks, and sometimes it's gonna be softer knocks, but we're gonna hear those knocks for the rest of our lives. What do we tell ourselves? How are we speaking to ourselves? And and I told my daughter, you know, I said, you know, you're constantly living, we're all constantly living with two wolves, right? One on each shoulder. She's like, Oh, like the angel and the devil. I was like, pretty similar, right? We have the negative wolf and the positive wolf. And Jamie, those wolves are constantly fighting with one another. And I asked my daughter, I said, you know what wolf wins at the end of the day? She said, No, I don't know. I said, It's the one you feed. So we need to always remember to feed ourselves positivity, right? To look at a situation for what it is, right? Not denounce those feelings in the moment, right? You're allowed to have those feelings. Everyone has those feelings. But if you find yourself constantly thinking about the negative and that internal voice is just chirping in your ear, you need to recognize that and find the positive things that are going on in your life. And if that's something as simple as I live in this beautiful home and this beautiful community and I'm blessed, then that's what you think about. Gratuity, right? Being grateful can't live in the same room as anxiety and depression. When you're focused on the things that you're grateful for, when there's even when there's, especially when there's a storm around you, that that is what you're feeding, right? And you're you're wiring your mind to find those special moments throughout the day, right? And the more we think about the things that we're grateful for, the more that we start to observe those things on an a regular basis. So what you feed grows, what you focus on grows, what wolf you feed will win. So it's just a reminder. And again, I don't pretend to know the specifics of what happened. I just know as a whole, we all go through this, right? We all get those hard knocks on the door, and it's how we respond to them that is going to make all the difference. And I just told Jules, you know, my daughter, I said, you know, just make sure you're not making decisions, final decisions based on temporary situations, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:10

Absolutely. Thank you for that. And I do think that when you practice, gratitude is a skill. You know, you have to practice it every day. It's not like, oh, you have one good thought today and you're good for the rest of the day. That's not it. And sometimes it's just as simple as look, I can move my fingers. How grateful am I that I have hands that will do these things for me, or I have breath in my lungs, or I open my eyes and I can see. I mean, it doesn't have to be these big wins that you need to be grateful for. Because unfortunately, what we see out if you're on social media, different things, we see everyone's big wins all the time. And gratitude does not have to live there. The gratitude can simply be I can breathe, I can see, I can put my fingers together, I can touch, I just the basics and how how much of a miracle that is that you have these sensory neurons that are telling you things are hot and cold, like things you have no control over, but they're just there and they're given to you. What a gift, you know? And I do think that there is a lot to be said about, like you said, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And we hope that we can support the people in our lives and be that role model or that we can be that source of safety for them, and that the option is to move through the problem and not have it be a final issue. So thank you for sharing those words. I know that means a lot to you. And as parents of teenagers, we are grieving for the community and there is nothing but prayers and future focus on just trying to be positive role models and safe places for the kids in our lives. And so being a coach is this opportunity to create a safe environment, but also one that can, like we said, that can push them to new boundaries, that can have them grow and evolve and become not only good athletes, but good people. And this learning experience in being in relationship with coaches and with other athletes is a huge opportunity for them to learn good habits and um good ways to respond. And I think that we forget how much influence we have, even as just a volunteer coach on an intramural team, things like that. We just don't know fully what the athletes we're coaching are experiencing. And we should never negate the importance that we have in not only our job as a coach, but as a friend, as a parent, as a daughter, a mother, like all just we all matter. And um, including that child who is struggling, you matter. So that's just something that we should all take away from for sure. Um we all matter. I wanted to um after that to think, you know, this is a heavy, heavy-hearted end of the conversation. Um, and there has been so much good information that has been dropped today by you, Russ. So I thank you for coming on. Um, and so I wanted to ask you what is what is one cliche coaching phrase that you wish would just disappear forever?

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Gosh, probably a ton of them. Um, just throw strikes. If I hear if I hear a coach ever say just throw strikes, I have PTSD from uh from my baseball playing days. I think I had a pitching coach who that that was his number one advice, just throw strikes. It's like, what do you think I'm up here trying to do?

SPEAKER_00 43:20

I listen, I totally agree. Like, do you pull back to being like, let's tell them what, like how we can encourage them to do the right things, not just tell them what we want from them and be so vague. Like, obviously, like I'm throwing, trying to throw strikes. What do you think I'm trying to do? You know, that's hilarious. Um, and then also the last thing I want to say, just about this conversation in general about coaching and making a good coach and and going beyond just the trophy. Like, what is the good news?

SPEAKER_01 43:43

The good news is I I think we we have a lot of really great coaches, volunteer coaches, parents. And but I also think there's there's there's a need to take a step back and understand what your role is as a coach, and even if you just Volunteered because nobody else was willing to. Um, you volunteered for a really instrumental opportunity you have to positively impact the people that you're going to be in touch with. That is a role. That is a that can, you know, I remember just one or two things that I had a coach tell me when I was 12 and 13 years old. I'm 47. I still remember that. So the things you say matter. How you model your behavior matters. And that doesn't mean that you need to be soft or accommodating to everything. It means you need to model the behavior that is in alignment with the standards that you set for your parents and your players. And that goes back to developing those standards and coming up with your core principles. And you can do that with a group of 10-year-olds that you're just volunteer coaching, right? Make it fun. And you sure as heck should be doing it with athletes who are playing at a at higher levels as well. Because as a coach, that's your North Star, right? If you don't have those core principles in place, you're just uh flying by the seat of your pants and you're reacting to everything.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Awesome. I love it. Thank you, Russ Romano, for coming on the show and for sharing all this awesome information and for motivating and encouraging coaches out there and to reminders of you know what's important and what we need to let go. And thank you for the um support on what's happening in our community right now as well. And uh, Russ, will you just at the end of this episode right now, can you just share how people get in touch with you if they want to work with you or have you work with their teams or their athletes?

SPEAKER_01 45:43

Yeah, so we work with um individual athletes for typically one-on-one Zoom trainings. We work with teams and then we also work with a lot of high school athletic departments where we're coming in and we're developing culture, leadership skills through throughout the whole program. So the best way to reach out to us is on our website. It's d1mindsetcoach.com, or you can email us directly at info at d1mindsetcoach.com.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

Thank you so much for coming on the show. And everybody, I hope that you can take away some good insight and um motivation and encouragement. If you are a coach or you're a parent or you're a volunteer, whatever you may be, you matter to the relationships with the people you are um coaching. So good luck to you all out there and thank you again for listening. Thanks, Russ.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Thanks, Jamie.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

Listeners, thanks for hanging out with me in the classroom today. If today's episode sparked a new idea for you, please make sure to click follow on your podcast app so you never miss a conversation. If you know a parent who is currently struggling to find answers, please share this episode with them. You just might be that link to help them on their journey. And finally, if you're a wellness expert or mom with a story to share, email me. I'd love to have you on the show. Until next time, keep them healthy.